My great conceit

My great conceit is that I am actually like the Prophets in the Bible, and I am the one who does have the knowledge.  Years ago I started avoiding Yom Kippur because of the story of Jonah they tell that day, and I always felt like him, perhaps an ancestor.  As if I knew this story that I was supposed to tell everyone, that I had lain in bed sick and dying and promising I would tell if I recovered, except I became well and never told, and now it is too late, I am old and sterile.

The message is simple: the unity of G-D.  End the divisiveness of every religion thinking their idea of the single ultimate mind is the correct one, and more important the ideas of other religions are wrong. Yet that leads to a duplicity of deities.  Everyone must come to the agreement that there is only one G-D and even if other people appear to be worshiping something different, it is really the same deity, by a different name and with differently listed attributes. 

So why, if this is not so, did I not stick with the religious life-style, the two separate years I approached it?  I feel it is a denial, like Jonah running away.  I need to have proved myself a wicked sinner, at least in my own eyes, to prove that I am not a special person in any way.   Even when I thought of writing one of my many imagined books, I always got caught up in the preface asserting my ordinariness, and explaining that these insights that I present are not due to any superiority on my part or any privileged connection to the universe, but just because I am an introvert who has been observing the world and humanity for half a century and now has a good idea about what is and what could or should be.  I am certainly not special, indeed, I am wicked which proves it.  

Now I have had this terrible operation, with the core of my manhood cut out.  And just this week an article in the paper testifies to the idea I wondered some years ago if my enlarged prostate was not caused by my lack of sexual activity.  

If there is an energy system, with lots of component parts, it will rattle along in harmony with itself, being all part of a universal whole as well as being interconnected sub-systems.  If some part is dysfunctional, or not developing in parallel with the rest, the shaking and the energy interchange will shuffle the recalcitrant part into harmony with the whole.  It will feel like Divine Intervention to the other sub-systems.